Cog Tools Reflection- 11 (Paulo Freire's Educational Theory)

Paulo Freire's Educational Theory

Theory of Value

Key Questions: What knowledge & skills are worthwhile learning? What are the goals of education?

Education should raise the awareness of the students so that become subjects, rather than objects, (as in the banking model) of the world. This is achieved by teaching students to think democratically, continually questions, & critically view everything they learn

Theory of Knowledge
Key Questions: What is knowledge? How is it different from belief? What is a mistake? What is a lie?

Knowledge is a social construct. Freire discussed two types of knowledge: practical and reflective. Beliefs are shaped into knowledge by discussion & critical reflection

Theory of Human Nature

Key Questions:What is a human being? How does it differ from other species? What are the limits of human potential?

The elite naturally believe that they are better & anything else is naturally inferior

Theory of Learning

Key Questions: What is learning? How are skills & knowledge acquired?

Focused on the banking theory previously mentioned in the previous posts. Students must construct knowledge from knowledge they already possess. Teachers must learn how the students understand the world so that the teacher understands how the student can learn. Learning is a process where knowledge is presented to us, then shaped through understanding, discussion, and reflection. 

Theory of Transmission

Key Questions: Who is to teach? By what methods? What will the curriculum be?

Teaching is political and must be a democratic process to avoid teaching authority dependence. The student must construct knowledge in meaningful ways The teachers must become learners & the learners must become teachers.

Theory of Society

Key Questions: What is society? What institutions are involved in the educational process?

Freire asserts that educational institutions and more directly, the instructors who teach in them, will influence the views and beliefs of their students with their own views and beliefs and this can lead to disenfranchising less privileged students.

Theory of Opportunity

Key Questions: Who is to be educated? Who is to be schooled?

Freire had a deep desire to provide greater opportunity for the poor & oppressed people of the world, especially in Brazil.

Theory of Consensus
Key Questions: Why do people disagree? How is consensus achieve? Whose opinion takes precedence? 

Disagreement can ultimately lead to growth & consensus; thus it should be conceived as normal and expected. Freire cautions when opinions are silenced in the name of control and order.


I will now spend an unknown number of days trying to wrap my head around these theories in hopes of better understanding them.

Cog Tools Reflection-10 (Pedagogy of the Oppressed)

Recap: This book was originally written in 1968 in Portuguese and translated to English in 1970.

In his book, Freire:

1. proposes a new relationship between student, teacher, and society
2. provides a rationale for a pedagogy of the oppressed & exposes historical teaching methods ("banking education")
3. identifies dichotomies such as the student-teacher dichotomy and colonizer-colonized dichotomy
4. explores how oppression has been justified & how to overcome it through a mutual process (oppressors-oppressed distinction)
5. writes, "Freedom is acquired by conquest, not by gift. It must be pursued constantly and responsibly. Freedom is not an ideal located outside of man; nor is it an idea which becomes myth. It is rather the indispensable condition for the quest for human completion".
6. freedom is the result of praxis or informed action (when a balance between theory & practice is achieved)
7. rejects the banking approach to education; claimed that it results in the dehumanization of students & teachers
8. advocated for a more world-mediated (mutual) approach to education in which people are incomplete; people must be aware of their incompleteness & strive to be more fully human

• conscientization: consciously shaping the person & society (a term first coined in this book)

This book is considered the beginning of his unparalleled exploration. In order to fully understand his lifetime contribution to education it is advice that you look at the entirety of his writing rather than only this one book. In fact, he critically revisited the main arguments of this book in his book entitled Pedagogy of Hope (written in the 1990s) and in a moment of reflection & self-regulation is quoted saying, "If I was the same that I was 40 years ago, I would be profoundly disappointed. But at the same time, if I was nothing of what I was 40 years ago, I would be profoundly sad."

Friere was heavily influenced by Frantz Fanon & Karl Marx. He rejected traditional education as "official knowledge" that intends to oppress. He also ignored the traditional standards of Western education (Dewey, Rousseau...)

Cog Tools Reflection- 9 (Freire)

I am not sure what kind of information is needed on my theorist so I will be sharing a series of posts about Paulo Friere that are by no means entirely comprehensive but serves more as an overview.

Paulo Friere (1921-1997) is known as an author, educator, and philosopher but also as a strong advocate for critical pedagogy (CP). He is credited with authoring one of the "foundational texts" on CP entitled Pedagogy of the Oppressed which was originally written in Portuguese and then translated into English is 1970. His first book was Education as the Practice of Freedom.

Banking Model of Education: the concept that the student is an empty account to be filled by the teacher

• comparable to John Locke's tabula rasa or blank slate principle
• Dewey was strongly critical of the transmission of mere facts as the goal of educations (as we all remember so fondly) 

It has been said the Freire updated this concept and ultimately laid the foundation for what became known as critical pedagogy by placing it is context with current theories and practices of education.

Critical Pedagogy (CP): a social movement and philosophy of education that combines education with critical theory, which stresses the reflective assessment and critique of society and culture by applying knowledge from the humanities and social sciences.

• going beneath the surface meaning to understand the deep meaning
• a continuous process of "unlearning", "learning", and "relearning", "reflection" "evaluation" and the impact these actions have on students particularly those that are believed to be historically and continually disenfranchised by "traditional schooling" 

"These varying moral perspectives of what is 'right' are to be found in what Dewey has referred to as the tensions between traditional and progressive eduction"

**Disclaimer: Dewey really is everywhere!!

My next post will highlight Freire's book, Pedagogy of the Oppressed.

Cog Tools Post- 8

I have been browsing the EDUCAUSE website and perusing articles when I came across one entitled, "Why MOOCs are like Farmville" by Timothy M. Chester and I was intrigued at the thought of such a comparison but also because I never played Farmville and I have taken a couple MOOCs. Has anyone else read it?

I realize the context of these was towards MOOCs but I see them as relevant to higher ed also.
Nonetheless, here are a few takeaways:

Changes to the class lecture:
Old-school: Teacher = content creator and Students = content subscribers                                             
New-school: Teacher + Students = creators and subscribers

"In this new world, learning becomes less about the dissemination of knowledge and more about the process by which knowledge and innovation are created".

Instructors are no longer the "gatekeepers" but instead are stewards and facilitators of learning

How can technology be harnessed to deepen learning? How to redefine rigor and achievement? How to make learning affordable?

At the end of the post, Chester states the way to solve the key questions mentioned in the post by "...rolling up our sleeves and thinking and acting quite a bit differently. That is going to require administrators like myself to do things that we would rather avoid - taking cost out of the system - by setting priorities, separating the must have from the wants and nice to haves, and creating a culture where we advance our careers not by building new things and consuming more resources, but by being very good stewards of what we have. If we can figure how to do all of those things -- we will truly change higher education for the better".

It is spectacular to be in a program where I am a creator, investigator, etc... and I definitely think this program serves as a facilitator to learning.

What do you think? Leave a comment below if you'd like.

Cog Tools Reflection-7 (Influences)

The farther we get in the program, particularly in this strand, the more I realize how influential it (Cog Tools) is when I think of my current and future family. Of course I've always had beliefs and ideologies but I've never really been one to openly share or feel opinionated enough to interject my views in conversations partially because I believe everyone has a right to their opinion and I am not an argumentative person but also because I didn't quite know how to express my views in the best way so it was much easier to simply listen. Now, however, I find that I am more willing to engage in conversations that I can constructively contribute to because I have a response and I know what I want to say.
Developing a personal learning theory, identifying a community of practice, and the other assignments have opened my eyes and mind to experiences that I overlooked. I don't know if anyone else is feeling a shift like this but I am thankful to have the opportunity to stretch my limits, collaborate with my fabulous cadre mates, and forge a new path into my future.

Cog Tools Reflection-6

I would definitely have to say that the Community of Practice project has been my favorite so far. I know it has been several weeks since but it is something I still think about and one has definitely changed my way of thinking and understand for the better. I was initially very concerned about what CoP to choose but I was thrilled to know that my Gaming example fit the criteria. I cannot say that the phrase Community of Practice was one that I understood but now I find myself trying to identify other examples throughout my day and work week.

As someone who doesn't feel connected to others as much as I perceive them to be connected to one another knowing that I can at least say I a part of the gaming CoP makes me feel less isolated. I would like to feel more connected but it has always been a struggle for me. Getting feedback from Bill was equivalent to having a preschooler come home with new art to hang on the fridge... yes, I was tempted to proudly display it but I didn't. I was still quite excited to share the news with Adrian.

It has been surreal to feel a shift in my thinking but still feel like I can't quite put my finger on exactly how it is changing but I think I might have a better grasp of why it is changing so I know I will figure it out eventually. For now, I will continue to grow and explore as I develop my own theories of life and learning.

Cog Tools Reflection 5

I cannot guarantee how succinct or cohesive this post will be but more a collection of thoughts that I have been having this week at work as influences by meetings, discussions, and readings.

I think I can safely say that we all agree that engaged and authentic learning experiences are valuable in many ways, as well as, connecting learners to researchers, scholars, and resident experts with a specific industry. The need to take student engagement away from simple recall and memorization and instead emphasizing collaboration so that learners can construct, create, and share or transfer their new knowledge and skills. The deepest learning is made when information is transferred between subjects and topics. It is no longer acceptable to simple teach students subject specific information. In this day and age helping students apply their knowledge to new areas while also incorporating digital literacy and engagement must take precedent (in my mind).

I feel there is often a disconnect between how students prefer to use technology in their personal lives and what they feel is reasonable to be asked to do in a learning environment or the fallacies [some] instructors hold as reasons not to try new methods as compared to at least be willing to take part in conversations on "new media". Of course that is not to discount that both groups, students and instructors are likely to be resistant to something unfamiliar.

Digital technologies are very powerful and allow us to connect and interact with one another in dynamic ways.
In my opinion, a degree is no longer enough students must learn a whole new array of skills in the digital age including literacy, fluency,  and citizenship to name a few.

My brain feels like it is on fire with thoughts and idea and I wish we were able to have more conversations about these sort of things. I would be open to having more open discussion Hangouts if anyone else is interested just let me know.

Cog Tools Reflection 4

Among the many things we are learning is the experience is very important in education (learning).

Hopefully this post will embody the theme of the importance of experience.

I have been thinking a lot about my professional hopes and my desire to be within the group of recognized voices of Ed. Tech and Instructional design but more so about how to empower other women to join the Ed. Tech. field and encouraging women to strive/pursue leadership positions.

Of course I have plenty of questions.
How do I get there.... included in this specialized group?
How do I build a circle of women on a similar "track" as I so that we can support one another?
Will there ever be a day where women within these professions, both "tenured" and incoming unite for critical inquiry, networking, promoting lifelong learning & user-driven innovation... ?

All the while, I find myself searching for answers, resources, and information as to how to become a strong women in this community but unable to find the results no matter how many searches I conduct. I am hungry for information but even more so for guidance from the women blazing the trail ahead of me so that I can do the same for future generations of women.

While I enjoy my work and I could not ask for a better mentor and a few other influential women I do not feel that I am experiencing enough. I would like to be able to hear from female leaders within our community and that an event like this would facilitate a great conversation for the cadre.

This is a topic that needs to be discussed more just as it is for recruiting women into STEM and applies not only to women and mothers but also fathers of daughters also.

I hope you will join me in my disruptive behavior... I have set my sights high and I'm looking for backup.

My "Trailer"

Alright... here goes nothing

I must admit that I had a lot more fun with this than I expected once I devised my "medium" of choice and shook off the usual trepidation when Bill gives us a deliverable.

This is by no means a piece of cinematic genius but look at what I used to bring it to life!!!

And yes I built everything on my own :-D  .... but I thought fondly of the purple team.

Hopefully by the end you are singing and/or at least dancing. No judging here!!

Without further adieu...

CogTools Reflection- 3 (K.O)

Today was a long but seemingly productive day; it was mostly quiet in the studio today which enabled me to make great strides on several projects for my mentor. We actually had a chance to have several conversations today which was quite surprising because usually we rely on texts until a formal time is set to discuss anything and everything that either of us needs addressed during the time we are both available. I'm not sure if I was inspired by this class (Learning Theories) or perhaps the questions I answered for my annual review but regardless of what the motivation was I took the opportunity to express my interest in attending more conferences. It has been something that has been on my mind for the last few months but I hadn't said anything because I didn't think there was a chance of anything happening. Jill was very excited to hear of my expressed interest and reasoning for this request and now there is the potential of going to not one but two conferences in Spring 2015. I'm also being recommended as a proposal reviewer for the first one and may even be submitting a proposal to present with Jill at the second one. Mind you this is huge accomplishment for me and I am excited to explore these new opportunities with fervor and gusto (or whatever I can muster that isn't dedicated to this program *wink*).
Currently I have attended one conference as a moderator and another one with my colleague. While I realize the traveling isn't always the most enjoyable, I am still reveling in the thought that Jill and Berman (CIO) think that I am ready to present and being so new to this field still find value in conferences (I'm not burned out). I knew the goal was always to "learn to fly" but now that it is so much closer I am beside myself and I can't help but realize how much I've grown since January 2012.
As I have said before, I do not often think about what I do, why I do it, or even how I do it; I know it needs to be done and I get it done. I work diligently to offer high-quality support to the CI community as part of a small team that has begun to make much larger waves in the higher education community than I ever could have imagined. I am blessed.

Now if only I could extract my personal learning theory in the same manner as I did this post... but this is a tougher nut to crack but I know it's in my mind somewhere I just have to be patient until it is ready to bloom to conscious life.

CogTools Insights- 2 (K.O.)

"Logistics is the science of centralized planning, the systematic organization of people and materials. It works toward the accomplishment of a single clearly defined and distant goal--one step at a time." F.Smith, p.  67"

I don't know about everyone else but the first thing that immediately came to mind when I read this was about the program (material), Cadre 17 (people), and our pursuit of each graduating with a Master's degree (somewhat distant goal). While the process has not been laid out in it's entirety to us at this point it does not mean that an overall plan is not already developed. I, personally prefer to get information in chunks (semesters) but of course I am curious about the January meeting. While I wouldn't go as far as to refer to us each as cogs in a larger system (as the book mentioned) I would absolutely say that we are a community which is far mightier to me than being just  a number (cog).

While I have not been able to connect with everyone I know that we all support each other and that I can reach out whenever I need to. This program is primarily a distance-ed style but I feel closer to this Cadre than I have in comparison to previous in-person courses. Despite the stress and never-ending to-do list (reading, blogs, etc...) I am enjoying the process so much so that I find myself laughing to myself throughout the workday because I know that I would not trade any of this because I'm happy, I'm learning, and I'm invested in this experience... HARD FUN!!

I wish I had more time to read through all the blog posts everyone is writing but I can only achieve so much each day. I know we will all achieve great things. If I can help in any way please contact me by email or text... however you choose. I'm here.

Anyone else have the urge or hankering to tinker with LEGO blocks?? I think there should be a LEGO blocks/game night surely that would be more fun that building alone.

CogTools Insight-1

"People don't weigh more when they learn not are their heads any bigger. Size of brain doesn't reveal anything about extent or experience or depth of knowledge." -Smith, The Book of Learning and Forgetting, p. 51

Two lines and twenty-seven words that have struck me deeper than expected. These sentences embody what I will refer to as simplistic poignancy in which the words/terms are simple but put together they are both touching and saddening when I think of all the young girls who think it is more important to focus on their outward appearance than on the pursuit of knowledge and learning. Some may scoff but I have witnessed it and experienced what it's like to be an outlier of this group prior to adulthood but frankly still occurs now but doesn't hurt nearly as much. I am not by any means bashing beauty. The female form is equisite in my mind but that doesn't mean that I am not concerned about the level of importance that is placed on most young girls shoulders and at such an early age. I am not including girls that play dress up but more so the ones that couldn't imagine leaving the house with "nothing on" their faces. Surely I am not the only that feels this way.

I couldn't say why I never felt the need to associate in this "club" perhaps it was because I had enough going on in my life and just living another day was my aim. I am not a member of many women's "clubs" and I am fine with that; makeup and fashion will likely forever elude me but experience and knowledge will not. I have never understood the process of  beauty (applying makeup or picking out just the right outfit) but I like to think I understand the process of learning and if not I'm well on my way in doing so.

I have spoken with young girls who also worry about their weight but as this quote says a person's weight doesn't not change when they learn so why is learning cast aside or bashed? Learning is healthy and crucial to empower girls and women alike. 

This quote also made me think more inwardly because I don't feel as "smart" as I used to and I don't have an explanation but it has been in the forefront of my mind regularly. I credit this to the fact that I have been contemplating ways of improving my professional image without compromising who I am. Perception is such a finicky thing particularly for someone like me that doesn't feel I should have to change my appearance for the sake of others to realize that I am no longer a student worker.
I have felt "on the road less traveled" in the sense that this learning path is a different experience than learning in a traditional classroom. There is a sense of mystery as I voyage into the new, unexplored realm of formal learning with an informal feel or informal learning alone. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited to be on this journey of discover and "re-definement"..... all aboard!!!

Mission PVG #9

My latest game adventure involved music (beats) and rhythms as I explored the realm of Rhythm Heaven Fever on the Nintendo Wii. The premise is that a player must tap primarily {A} but occasionally {A+B} on the controller in time with the music to each round relying on rhythm to be as accurate as possible, the more accurate the more likely you are to earn a medal and unlock bonus content. The game is indeed quirky with cartoon-like characters and a variety of funky music. Each level begins with practice so that you can learn the necessary audio cues and mechanics. There are over 50 mini-games not counting remixes but so far I can access:

• Hole in One- you learn to golf with a monkey (easy) and then a mandril (difficult). Each animal throws balls at the golfer (you), who must hit the ball at the right time in rhythm with the music and launch it across a body of water and into the hole... hole in one!!

• Screwbot Factory- you have to tighten the final screw of black (taller) and white (shorter) robots

• See-Saw- you and an identical "inspector" must test the safety of a see-saw; your partner launches you into the air and just as you land you tap {A} to re-launch the partner

• Double-Date- a couple is on a first date and must deflect sports balls (soccer, basketball, & football) that each bounce to a different beat from interfering with a pair of weasels also on a first date

• Fork Lifter- 1 to 3 peas flu across the table towards a sizable fork and you have "catch" the food at the right time  [this level is insane!!]

• Tambourine- the monkey plays a series of notes in a pattern and then it is your job to match it {A- shakes the tambourine} and {A+B- hits the tambourine}

• Board Meeting- a line of pigs (with mustaches!!) in executive chairs must stop spinning simultaneously {A+B} or sequentially {A} depending on the audio cues

• Monkey Watch- there's a monkey on the clock hand as it rotates, in order to change the time the monkey must high-five other monkeys as it makes its way around the clock-face; occasionally there are two pink monkeys representing the off-beat so you must tap {A} twice before returning to the original beat. Also, at one point the screen zooms out and the clock face is "normal" size and you must rely solely on audio cues. This level has proved extremely challenging. Persistent effort!!

There are a plethora of levels remaining but I didn't expect to enjoy this game like I have and there has been so much laughter. I've had several friends try playing with similar results. The remixes are quite challenging because they mix together four levels into one, all with different objectives and beats.
I have never been able to play this game for very long. It is definitely more enjoyable in smaller doses.

Had anyone else played this game before? It would be a fun game to play as a group. Engaging and challenging to play and incredibly fun to watch also!!

Mission PVG log #8

Adrian and I decided to play LEGO Marvel Super Heroes because it had been sitting on the shelf unopened for quite some time and it would give us a chance to play a new game that neither of us was familiar with and with characters that I enjoy. It quickly became obvious that it was a collaborative effort of all of the super heroes, each one utilizing their skills to achieve the mission, and certain tasks could only be completed by certain heroes such as things with green handles were reserved for The HULK and shield symbols were for Captain America.

While there is no manual included, the environment appears mostly friendly and easy to explore, plus, it's all LEGOS!!! Once we located where our mission started we had to assess the area and identify what heroes were needed for this particular mission. This game was a great experience overall and I was very engaged. I enjoyed playing as Captain America (my favorite hero) and the HULK because smashing things is fun and yes I said "HULK SMASH" almost every time too!! Missions varied from building a particular item to defeating a boss and often a combination of both for the longer missions. Eventually we progressed through the game and had to toggle between multiple heroes but quickly learned that it is smart to assess what else is happening to determine which hero is less valuable and the best one to switch out. I enjoyed getting to play a game with Adrian that enabled us to team-up and work towards a common goal, supporting each other, and utilizing good communication skills as if it was a real mission (more than just a game). It is in these kinds of moments that create a closeness I didn't think would be possible consider that his background is video game intensive and mine is not. I look forward to playing this game more and the missions we've yet to accomplish. 

Mission PVG log #7

Tonight I played Mario Tennis on Nintendo 64 with Adrian and Charlie. While not the most complex game I was still slightly uneasy about having never played until they both said we would learn to play together. We started out playing a 4-player exhibition Yoshi & Waluigi vs. Peach & Daisy... the princesses won both matches. Then we switched to rings which was an exhibition game but the score was based on balls hit through various sized rings... the caveat was that the total number of rings was given to the winner of the set with each team aiming to get to 50 rings first. Yoshi & Waluigi won both matches. Along the way we figured out the controls: A- top spin, B- slice, & Z- cancel shot. Lastly, we played (Waluigi & Peach vs. Yoshi & Birdo) Bowser stage,  which instead of rings there were items that were earned when item boxes are hit during the rally. My hands were still sweaty while I played but it was fun; they were both very supportive and wouldn't let me be tough on myself and after a few matches I started to get the hang of it. I think I am going to have to take advantage of having people to play multiplayer games with.

What happened: I asked to play a game with Adrian & Charlie and they suggested Mario Tennis. I took initiative to interrupt their game night to participate in their retro Nintendo game session.

How did I respond: I confidently and curiously played another Mario game that I had never heard of previously. It was fun learning together and not feeling pressured or being blamed when I dove the wrong direction (which I did quite a bit or I used the d-pad instead of the control stick). There was lots of laughter with and at each other.

Why did I respond this way?
I didn't feel threatened or vulnerable like I usually do. They were both very supportive and patient. I enjoyed playing and my hands were not as sore as they have been after playing most games for any amount of time longer than 30 minutes. I know I hold the controller tighter than necessary which likely also attributes to the hand fatigue.

Mission PVG log #6

So somehow Adrian convinced me to try playing Smash Bros. Brawl: Project M with him and his friends and it was likely because I knew I at least needed to experience a multiplayer game. I watched them play a few sets before I was ready to try. There were four of us playing and it felt like an all out free for all... survival of the fittest, no strategy or skill. I could describe the first match in another key term but I'll keep it clean. Of course, my description is entirely based on my opinion. I'm quite certain at least two of the other players knew what they were doing but that didn't stop me from enlisting "chaos" mode which proved rather beneficial in practice mood but was less effective with this many players. I was able to get in a few "lucky shots" somehow and was quite surprised every time. They suggested playing in teams but I wasn't prepared for that, in part, because I didn't want to be a liability to Adrian and likely would've sabotaged any of the others for a few reasons that don't need to be mentioned here. I'm not sure how long we played but my hands were thoroughly cramped by the end of it. I've got quite a bit of practice ahead of me before I can make sense of this game. There are so many buttons to remember that I do better in chaos mode sans thought than I do when I try and think about what move I'm trying to execute. I don't know that I will want to try this game again soon aside from playing with Adrian since it is one of many games he enjoys.

I could use some suggestions on how to work-out my hands and be more game ready.

Mission PVG log #5

The aim of this post is to express how and why I feel I have developed an "irrational" fear of video games. In this post, I will be truthful while exposed, as I attempt to be brave enough to share about myself in a way (this blog) that I am unaccustomed and to a potentially much larger audience. Nonetheless, I feel it is important for me to admit these feelings openly in order to further grow and overcome this particular fear. However, I may be more implicit on certain details than others but I am not one to "spill the beans" easily (if ever at times). This admission is a personal feat in and of itself.

At cadre camp, we discussed the importance of reflection and the role this type of activity would play on our journey through the program, as well as, a specific "method" to follow: What Happened? How did I respond? Why? I will do my best to adhere to this method. Before I will begin I must first say that I have not played Pikmin 3 since Thursday when I floundered in my attempt to defeat the first boss, the Armored Mawdad hidden deep within a cave on the Garden of Hope. (How ironic, since I feel all but hopeless at defeating him but more on that soon enough).

The person I am today is not someone I ever expected to be and I say this because there were times when I did not think I would get this far. My childhood and adolescent years were fraught with strife; most of which developed without justification and sadly became routine. During that time there were certain "lessons" that I learned: fear just about every male, silence is the safest and only option, speaking up is unaccepted, eye contact only makes it worse, absorbing criticism/insults/threats becomes second nature, & failure is expected by others... I think I've made my point.

Irrespective of my past, I am here today a much stronger but not unscathed woman. While my life has vastly improved as an adult and I now have control of who I am around but more importantly who I allow close to me. As much progress as I know I've made I still struggle with a subconscious dialogue that I cannot completely shake and one that I think influenced my recent meltdown.

It was Thursday, August 7, 2014 and I was prepared to explore the Garden of Hope more and happened to stumble across a cave with an enormous centipede with pincers and mind you, Alph is 0.64 inches tall. Within what felt like seconds everything fell apart, I couldn't remember any of the buttons, my heart rate changed, my breathing slowed, my muscles tightened, and I froze. I retried the day with the same result, not once but twice; each time the symptoms seemed to magnify exponentially (so it seemed). I can't obviously say what I was thinking but I know I feeling very disappointed and hopeless. Adrain was watching me play so perhaps I also have performance anxiety.

In Gee's book, he mentions three identities:
virtual- "one's identity as a virtual character in the virtual world"
real-world- my identity as me; "a non-virtual person playing a [computer] game"
projective- "to project one's values and desired onto the virtual character"

I have been unable to identify with the projective part of these identities but perhaps that is because the character is uncustomizable.  I also cannot say that I feel as if I associate with the virtual aspect of this tripartite model either but I do not have much gaming experience and seem to lacking in the "compelled to play" department. I realize that I am not competitive and I don't purposely try to disappoint anyone I care about but despite this admission I cannot muster the courage or interest to attempt to play any game other than Wii Fit and watching Adrian play Metroid: Other M.

While I could continue to write and prefer to be honest about my past because I have overcome everything and refuse to be a victim and stay silent.

Thank you for reading. I try to be an open book... "right place, right time".

P.S. I am still learning that it is okay to fail in video games. I'm tougher on myself than anyone has or ever can be (it's easier that way). Most people have levels of perfection, for me, there's everyone else's level of perfection which is "acceptable" and then my level which is what I expect of myself. For the first time even in my adult life I am surrounded by support and love (Adrian) but clearly I don't exactly know how to compute that in this domain...just yet. Crying is a mechanism I use to protect others and I turn to it in sadness, frustration, and anger (there are certain things in which I skip crying and am just pissed... watch out; it's not easy to anger me except for those certain things). I never want to yell and blame someone like I have experienced.

Mission PVG log #4

I must confess that I was quite excited that the Pikmin line of games are mentioned in James Paul Gee's book, What Video Games Have To Teach Us About Learning and Literacy which is the latest book that I have started reading this week, especially because I began playing the game before I read the first section where it was mentioned. Participating in a game that is being referenced as an example is really helping me better understand the concepts that Gee is describing. While there are new additions to the version I am playing in comparison to the original game the overall premise is the same (to my knowledge thus far) since the three games are part of a larger and connected story. I am beginning to better understand the meaning of internal and external design grammar and I didn't realize it until I read the associated book sections. While I do not currently have yellow Pikmin that throw bombs I do have rock Pikmin that turn into a sort of bomb that works just as successfully at destroying walls but I have discovered that they can not be used for electric walls and thus I am actively searching to add yellow Pikmin to "my" squad. I have encountered at least six electric walls already in the first week of exploring!! I will have to see if using the rock type as a bomb kills them or not, I did pay attention to this but I don't think so since I only remembering losing Pikmin in battle.

Fiery Blowhog

Another example of this is that I have learned that red Pikmin are immune to fire, have higher attack power, breakdown dirt walls faster than the rock type, carrying corpses or pellets, and are the best choice in defeating the Fiery Blowhog and currently bulborbs but the rock types also can help with certain varieties of these. It was quite interesting defeating the fiery blowhog near the water since it is capable of blowing the red type into the water. The red type cannot swim!

Medusal Slurker

Rock Pikmin are "solid as rocks", as noted in one of Alph's nightly logs; they are immune to blunt force, able to smash through glass and crystal (currently), cannot swim but do not sink, and carry objects faster (but I've found they sometimes need to be told twice) because they are stronger. However, they cannot latch on to targets like other types and instead bounce off and roll back but they can be thrown normally.
I first acquired this type in a cave after defeating the Medusal Slurker and then they freed their onion from the crystal and were very handy in breaking the glass wall to free Brittany.


In an effort to further reflect on my experience, I am realizing that I am utilizing problem solving skills as I searched for fruit, fought enemies, destroyed walls, and most of all that I was not upset or disappointed when I made a mistake. Although, I did have a brief moment of silence at the end of the "day" if I lost any Pikmin along the way. I realize they are meant to be expendable but I still do my best not to lose them. I take pride in the fact that I've lost only seven the first week. I am comforted in the fact that I can start the day over if necessary once I've reflected on the successes or struggles encountered in order to improve my skills and understanding. For every battle, enemy, or wall that I face is a level of risk and involves exploring the surroundings, making mistakes, and strategizing the most effective way of accomplishing the task at hand. I am intrigued to see how playing video games more will influence my everyday thinking particularly when facing unforeseen challenges. I am looking forward to exploring the remaining areas beyond those I already have access to, Tropical Wilds and Garden of Hope.

Mission PVG log #3

Today I decided to challenge myself to try out another video game so I chose to try Pikmin 3 on Wii U.

The story begins explaining that the planet of Koppai has been depleted and three brave Koppaite explorers: Charlie (Captain), Alph (Alphie), and Brittany (Botanist) are sent to another planet, PNF-404 (279,000 light years away) in search of food (fruit to cultivate on their home planet). As the explorers are approaching the planet their ship, the SS Drake malfunctions and crash lands separating the 3 members on board on various parts of the planet. I spent the majority of my time playing as Alph today.

Goals for the game thus far: locating missing crew members, retrieving the "cosmic drive key" in order to return home, growing Pikmin, defeating enemies, and (of course) FINDING FRUIT. The fruit is important both because I must provide enough food for any crew members and to collect seeds to bring home.

Each "day" I select which part of the island I want to explore and I only have so much time to find fruit, grow Pikmin, and locate missing crew members. Before "sunset" I have to return the Pikmin to/near the "onion" for safe keeping from nocturnal predators. I, too remain in the Drake at night. Each night the Drake and onion fly into the sky and every morning I decide where to "land" for the day.

Lessons learned today:

• moving, navigating a character (left control stick)
• changing camera angle (right control stick)
• how to control Pikmin* 
• X- throws Pikmin
• ZR- blows whistle (calls them back)
• ZL- locks on to a target/enemy 
• Y- switch leaders
• A- pluck new Pikmin from ground/retrieve or return Pikmin to "onion" (more on that later)
• B- dismissed Pikmin (self-sort into groups)
• L- selecting Pikmin type
• R- moves camera behind leader
• throwing another leader (Brittany) when something is out of reach and switching control between the two leaders
• choosing Pikmin based on their strengths/abilities
• protecting the Pikmin from danger (I've lost 7 so far, pretty good for my first try I think)

*I really hope I remembered the controls in the right order... no promises)

Successes today:

• locating/rescuing Brittany
• locating 5 different types of fruit 
• Sunseed Berry
• Face Wrinkler
• Zest Bomb
• Pocked Airhead
• Delectable Bouquet

I like the notes that Alph or sometimes Brittany log at the end of each day; there's a certain level of levity in each one... perhaps since that is what I am attempting to do right now.
After-all, I'm playing a game with an "onion" and I'm ridiculously allergic outside of PNF-404. ;-)

Plus, let's be real, it looks more like a flower anyways. It just happens to have leg poles attached and can fly.

I currently have the red or fire Pikmin and am searching for the blue and yellow ones. According to cover photo, there must be at least a few new Pikmin to discover on PNF-404.

I am most excited because while I have watched Adrian play the Pikmin games preceding it; he has NOT played this game yet and thus limits my ability to ask for help. It was also pretty sweet to discover one of the new Pikmin types: the rock Pickmin. While they are bulky and can be useful they do seem to be "dumb as rocks" and need additional reminders of the correct action or response in comparison to the Red Pikmin... just being honest.
I was not expecting to play for multiple hours. I'm not even sure how many exactly but I'm at the beginning of "Day 8" now. I hope to play more tomorrow.

I am so happy that I tried this game today and I am even more happy to be excited about playing a game.

Here's to many more "lost" hours of exploring on PNF-404. I hope you enjoy the ride almost as much I know I will.

Mission PVG log #2

I attempted to play Super Smash Bros. Brawl tonight and boy was it "interesting". It is a game that Adrian has wanted me to try since he bought it but I was too hesitant to try. I started out on Easy for a short period but then switched to training mode. I could tell Adrian wanted to help but I persevered without asking him for any tips, plus, there is no way I would remember anything he said. The game seems rather complex to me and I'm sure some might laugh at that but it's the truth.

Earlier tonight I had mentioned that I should try and play but when we got back it wasn't easy to actually try it. Adrian is very supportive and I know how important it is to him that we are able to "game together". I don't know if I feel like I learned much since I was trying various combinations without any real retention of what buttons I was pressing and what those buttons did. However, it was fun to watch my character flip through the air and somehow complete a combo that garnered a compliment or surprised exclamation from Adrian.

Now after playing, my thumbs are sore (I hear more laughter), my eyes are still wide, and my heartbeat seems slightly faster than normal. Hopefully I'll get to the point that I can play against Adrian and not lose immediately or as badly. I'd like to think that I did pretty well against the CPU. There are so many freaking buttons on the Classic Wii controller. I don't know how I'll keep them all straight aside from the jump buttons (x, y) which I seemed to press when I meant to press attack (b) or special moves (a) which apparently occur in combination with directional control stick.

I am pretty proud that I didn't talk myself out of it or choose to continue reading instead of trying it out. I know I didn't play too long and that I need to change the dialogue in my head if I really want to enjoy playing. Maybe I should try playing with a mirror around too... I'm sure I'm making all kinds of faces in my attempts to battle my opponent (tonight it was Link) and I played first as Kirby and then as Mario in the training mode.

In all honesty I can't say that my goal is to win but "... let me be brave in my attempt" still seems like a fitting half motto/quote and currently the more important focus for me. For now I will continue to try, try, try, and try some more.

I consider gaming a privilege more than a pastime and I am very new to almost everything related. I did not grow up with technology and only saw Nintendo games when my cousins played on their NES 2 Player Pak or game mat and considering how shy I was as a child; my cousins were hilarious to watch on the game mat.... ahhh the good ol' days.

For now I can add a few more minutes to my gameplay tally and begin thinking of what I might like to try next until I find one that grabs my attention. Thankfully Adrian has plenty for me to choose from and if not he's completely open to me buying something new.

Happy gaming everyone!!